Five things that are bringing me joy

1. The Beach Vibes Spotify playlist - I started using Spotify in the evenings while I was cooking dinner. I stumbled across this playlist when I was searching for something that would help me relax after work, something that would make me dance in the kitchen, something that would make me smile. This playlist is all those things. Even Jeremy and my sister have started listening to it. It's the perfect thing to put on when you are sitting on your back porch having a few drinks on a Friday night. 

2. Hummingbird feeders - Not last summer, but the summer before that, I would sit on my back porch in the morning and watch a hummingbird or two come and visit our one feeder while I had my coffee. I was so sad when I didn't see any last summer. I think the feeder we were using was just not to their liking. We switched back to the basic plastic red feeder and added two more to the yard. We make simple sugar water to put in our feeders. And I'm so happy to say that the hummingbirds are back. I've seen them at the feeders at just about any time of day and they have even taken up hanging out under our patio on our twinkle lights. 

3. My cleaned out Facebook feed - Social media is an addictive time suck. I really hate how much time I spend on many of the social media platforms, but I can't seem to stop myself. I was tired of scrolling through Facebook seeing a bunch of stuff that I didn't care about. This isn't about UNFRIENDING people. This is about UNLIKING the pages of TV shows, movies, authors, big box stores, local stores, restaurants, direct sales reps, animals, political groups, etc. The list just goes on and on and on. Everyone and everything has a Facebook page nowadays and it was just getting to be too much for me. My Facebook feed is back to being more in-line with what I want to be seeing, friends and family, and a few misc. pages that I still actually care about. 

4. Fresh flowers - I'd like to say, up front, that I am not a florist. Some people have a way of arranging flowers so beautifully. For me, it's hit or miss. But I do not let it stop me from bringing home and enjoying fresh flowers. It doesn't have to be a super pricey, fancy bouquet. Usually, I mix and match two or three $3.98 bunches from the grocery store and sort of fuss with them until it looks decent in a vase. Or sometimes I'll just get a $10 bouquet. It's a small treat for myself to having something new and fresh and colorful in the house to enjoy.

5. Instagram - For all the accounts I've unliked/unfollowed on Facebook, I've liked two more on Instagram. Since Instagram is a photo based platform I'm a little more blasé about who I follow. I'd like to share with you a few accounts that make me happy, give me life, and make me laugh. 

* @157ofgemma - Gemma is an artist that draws comics of her life with her husband, two chihuahuas, and MOCHI the pug. Mochi is, of course, the star of the show. Her stories (with drawn in talking/thought bubbles) are super cute.

* @deannacat3 - Deanna and her husband live in CA with their two cats and a handful of chickens. Their take on growing plants, flowers, and food on their own urban property is very inspirational. And she is kind enough to share all her knowledge with her followers. She does great tutorial stories that she saves in her highlights. 

* @kellie_and_pete - Pete is an illustrator that has been drawing comics of his life with his wife and daughter for the last six years. This is a newer account that I just started following. I love the total honesty and relatability of his drawings. Most are funny, some are poignant, all of them are real.

Bread and Blessings

"It is pleasant: one of those almost hypnotic businesses, like a dance from some ancient ceremony. It leaves you filled with peace, and the house filled with one of the world's sweetest smells. But it takes a lot of time. If you can find that, the rest is easy. And if you cannot rightly find it, make it, for probably there is no chiropractic treatment, no Yoga exercise, no hour of meditation in a music-throbbing chapel, that will leave you emptier of bad thoughts than this homely ceremony of making bread.”
― M.F.K. Fisher, How to Cook a Wolf

Happy Lammas everyone!! Lammas is considered the first of three harvest Sabbats. If you live in a place that is anything like West Texas, the summer heat can be unrelenting. After a gazillion consecutive days of 100+ temps and drought like conditions, the very idea of autumn can seem like fake news.

This is why I enjoy celebrating the seasonal Sabbats. Lammas reminds us that summer will eventually come to an end. It seemed entirely appropriate that when Jeremy and I stepped out of the house this morning there was the slightest hint of coolness in the air. Although Jeremy was very quick to point out that it wouldn't last (which it didn't, of course), it's natures way of signaling that the seasonal calendar marches on. It's good to periodically remember that in a world full of chaos and uncertainties, the spinning of the earth and changing of the seasons can always be relied upon.

Back in the day, this time of year denoted the first harvest, as farmers prepared to reap their wheat and corn fields. Lammas is essentially the celebration of bread. And I am here for all of that! Who doesn't want to celebrate bread? Now is the time to dig out your Grandma's homemade bread recipe and get your hands in some fresh dough. If you do not have a bread recipe from your Grandma, I have you covered. See below for my Grandma's recipe that I use to make homemade bread.

If baking is really not your thing, you can always check out your local farmers market to pick up a freshly made loaf (along with some locally made jelly or jam...yum). Or if you have sworn off bread (I am so sorry), this is the time of year to acknowledge the results from plans put in motion at the beginning of the year (i.e. New Years resolutions and the like).  Lammas is the gateway into fall and a wonderful time to take stock of the things that might still need some work but to also give thanks for all the many blessings in your life. 

Grandma's White Bread Recipe

1/2 cup milk

3 tablespoons sugar

2 teaspoons salt

3 tablespoons margarine or butter

1 1/2 cups warm water (105-115 degrees)

1 package yeast

5 1/2 cups flour (about)

Preheat over to 400.

Scald milk; stir in sugar, salt, and butter. Cool to lukewarm. Measure warm water into large bowl, sprinkle in yeast and stir until dissolved. Add in milk mixture and 3 cups of flour. Beat until smooth. Add additional flour to make a soft dough. Knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 to 10 minutes. Form into smooth ball. Place in greased bowl (I use olive oil), turning to grease top. Cover and let rise, free from draft until doubled in size, about one hour. Punch down and let rest for 15 minutes. Divide dough in half. Shape each half into a loaf and place in greased loaf pans (I use regular ol' PAM), cover and let rise for another hour. Bake in hot oven for 30 minutes. 

Mourning for what never was

My father passed away on Father's day weekend. It was unexpected. He hadn't been sick or in the hospital. He just went to bed and didn't wake up. He was 65. 

I wasn't sure how to feel about the news. I hadn't seen my dad in nine years. How are you suppose to grieve for an estranged parent? My first reaction was shocked numbness. I didn't really feel anything. And then I wept. My husband held me as I cried. I didn't really cry for the lose of a father. I couldn't really miss something I haven't had for the majority of my life. I mourned for the loss of what could have been...what should have been.

My parents divorced when I was ten. There were weekend visits with my dad, completely facilitated by my mom. My dad spent most of those weekends drinking with his friends, leaving us kids to our own devices. He lived on a 100 acres of land...I guess he figured we couldn't get into much trouble on our own. Between that and the missed holidays, it didn't take long for me to begin to understand that this whole fathering business just wasn't for my dad. And by the time I was seventeen, my dad had left the state...and he didn't leave a forwarding address. That pretty much put a period on my relationship with my dad.

I was angry at him for a really long time.

But my dad was who he was. I just wish that who he was would have had something to do with me or any of his kids. He never saw the need to change himself, or grow himself, to fit the role of "Father". And that is what I mourn for. The fact that he couldn't step up into the roll of being the dad we deserved.

For as often as I might say my dad was a terrible dad, I could also tell you that he was a great guy. Sometimes I wish I could have known him outside of a father-daughter dynamic. He was funny and easy going. He had a big smile and a great laugh. He enjoyed fishing, his rum and coke, and his smokes. He was true to himself, always.

Here's to health, peace, and prosperity

Today I have my once a year doctors visit. It is literally the only time I see my primary care physician. Or any physician, actually.  I didn't really want to come. It's not something I look forward to.  I did seriously consider rescheduling, for next year...or maybe the year after that.

But, here I am. And I know I'll dutifully schedule next years appointment before I leave..like I always do.

Because I know there are so many that can't go to the doctor unless they are gravely ill, if even then. Never mind the luxury of a yearly wellness check. I know there are so many people out there that have chronic issues that require so many doctor visits, so much poking and prodding all of the time. Once a year would seem like a dream to them.

So I have to be real with myself. I am fortunate. I'm lucky that I even have a PCP at all. I'm lucky that this once a year appointment costs me nothing. I'm lucky that this small inconvenience only has to happen once a year. I am really lucky to be a relatively healthy person all around. 

After my appointment is over (and I've scheduled next years appointment) I am taking myself for a smoothie....to toast to my good health and all my many blessings.

Dear Target...we need to talk

Target...I love you, I do. And sometimes we have to be tough on those we love. Please remember....this all comes from a place of love.

There use to be a day when any time anyone paid me a compliment on my shoes I could proudly tell them I found the shoes at Target. Never mind that the Target we have here in little ol' nowhere Texas is THE SMALLEST TARGET to grace this green earth. And the shoe department is laughably miniscule.  How it always seems to remain in a state of utter disarray is a mystery to me. Even with those black marks against my local Target, I knew that if I hit it just right or dug around long enough, I could walk away with a pair of cute, on trend shoes that would stay in style of many seasons.  It would appear those days might be coming to an end.

Because I'm seeing an alarming trend. The fashion of the shoes available at Target are...well...they are...um...how do I say this....

They are just ugly. Ok. Like, really ugly.

I mean...what is even happening here. It's like someone took some ugly plastic flowers and super glued them on to some old soccer slip ons. Don't know what I'm talking about? Go google 'soccer slip on sandals'. I'll wait.

Uh huh. Exactly.

Is this fashion? Or an after school craft project?

Someone saved the carpet from Grandma's bathroom and decided to tie it on some slip on shoes. No. Just no.

I've already lived (survived?) the 80's once. I am NOT doing it again.

Do NOT go to Target and buy these shoes. I promise you, on the life of my pug, that you can go to ANY Goodwill or Salvation Army and find these exact shoes for a $1 ($.50 on Tuesdays).  

In the words of the infinitely wise and hilarious Kalen Allen...absolutely not.

June 1st, 2018

Hi.

It's been over a year since I've been to this space. *sigh* I've always felt a little silly blogging. Even though I've been doing it (on and off) for years.  Like many other things I do to try and "put myself out there", it tends to feed into my ever present feelings of being inadequate. It's something I've struggled with as an adult. It's something I'm working on all of the time.

And even though that voice is always in my mind telling me...I am not good enough, that no one really cares, that I am being dumb...my heart will not let me stop. And even though I haven't really thought much about this blog in a very long time....all of the sudden, it's in my heart to try and do this thing again.

Who am I to deny my heart?

I'm not sure I CAN deny my heart. It's fairly persistent. Just slightly more persistent than the voice in my head.

Here's to trying again (and again and again) and listening to your heart.

Capsule Wardrobe

I blogged about our tiny closets before. Our bedroom closet is about the size of a postage stamp and shared between the two of us. It is the only true clothing closet in the house. All other closets have been converted to shelving storage. Anyway, about a month ago, I got the idea of re-booting my wardrobe. So, I started doing research on how to build a capsule wardrobe. Like anything else in the house, I wanted to know if I could do more with less.

I knew I was tired of having my half of the closet crammed with clothes when I know I didn't wear most of it. I knew I didn't want to spend a fortune on new clothes. I knew that I wanted to feel good in all the pieces I did have in my closet.

So, I began with the great cull. I removed everything from my closet and drawers and tossed it on the bed. And then I tried everything on. Some things I had only worn once, which made it hard for me to let it go. But, if I hadn't worn it in over a year, if I didn't feel totally comfortable in it (no 'it will fit if I just lose x amount of weight), if it had any holes or stains on it.....it had to go.

I ended up with two full trash bags and several hangers worth of clothes to donate. I would say I probably got rid of 90% of the clothes in my closet. All that space that was being wasted for all those years. The next step was to purchase new pieces that were versatile, classic, and not overly expensive. I'd say I spent just under $500 and purchased six tops, one dress, two pair of pants, a cargo vest, and five pair of shoes. These were added back to the few items I decided to keep.

Here are all the outfits I have put together in the last month using my much smaller wardrobe:

You can see all my #ootd on my instragram acct: justjinny

I haven't missed anything I decided to get rid of. Once I pulled everything out of my closet, I found that there were very few pieces that I truly loved or felt good wearing. Now that my clothes and shoes have been overhauled, the next thing I'll probably do is sort through my jewelry. A few more statement pieces in that area would open even more options for my new, yet smaller, wardrobe.

Shopping sources:

Maurice's
Target
Payless
Flaunt Boutique